Still, back to basics.
she says,

angie lim.

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Monday, June 29, 2009, 11:44 AM
My dreams of fun flu (flew) away.

2009 is really proving to be a challenge.

Now that my first and most anticipated camp has been indefinitely postponed, and the second one hasn't got any details in for anyone yet, there really isn't much to look forward to at the moment. But it means more time to settle everything else that I haven't quite finished. Like packing my room again, and getting all those papers done.

Thankfully the people around me are safe and sound. It will take time, but everything will definitely be fine.

For now I have a movie to catch, and this entire virtual cyberspace to indulge in. Sounds like a good excuse to bum around and do nothing. (: Please take good care, everyone.




Sunday, June 28, 2009, 10:55 PM
It's a cold, cold night.

It's insane. H1N1 is wrecking havoc everywhere, and it'd better be gone soon.

Woke up this morning feeling extremely reluctant and tired. Reluctant to move, and too tired to do anything. Especially after yesterday. Zippo man was fun; I was glad to be part of the show. Gonna be needing lots of SFJ for the camp, yeah.

Havent been able to see eye to eye with everyone else lately, and it's eating me up inside. I thought I could make things a little better; but it turns out I was just being naive. Now I'm more convinced than ever; convinced that it's all a reversal of roles and I am playing the other. That I am both the actor and the audience in my show; the one playing out the emotions and gestures, and yet the one to judge myself for my own performance. It feels very strange, you know, to think back and want to relive everything but also to realise that it takes two hands to clap? The script started, a sweet beginning, and now, it has hit a monologue. Was my performance lousy? Was it something I did wrong?

Some things just.. cannot be remembered.

Yup, it's time to shuffle things around until I get it right again. Fuck, there's no point mourning.

It must be the dark night syndrome tonight.




Friday, June 26, 2009, 7:30 PM
treasure boxes.

Funny how we don't appreciate people until they're gone. Or things for that matter.

Goodbye MJ, rest in peace. I'll remember the various music videos of yours, because even though I only watched you on the TV screen when I was about 8 years old, I still remember, albeit vaguely, when you dressed to scare in Thriller, when you moonwalked in Billie Jean, when you prowled the underground carparks in Bad and Beat It. Heal The World and Billie Jean are some of my favourites, in case you didn't know. (:

Why am I talking to myself, or rather, to MJ, on my blog, I'll never know, but yeah.

Had a steamboat session with some of the seniors at Van Tan's place on wednesday, and it was plain good fun. I thought I was gonna cry while watching Departures, but it turned out that I didn't. The facial distracted me. Haha. But it was fun, still.

Lately I find myself going back in time to view the treasure boxes in my mind. If I were to put it in a mac lover's perspective, it's something like using the Time Machine. And yes, it's a treasure box full of, well, treasures. If I could turn back time I would want to relive those moments again. I'll breathe harder, feel my heart beat faster, hold you tighter, and fall in love even harder, to quote some from Amal.

The in-betweens are a little hard to fill in, since time and luck has never really been on my side, and yet I know it will be fine.

To the left, to the left. Or rather, Billie Jean, rock my world please.

Listening to (neither of the above songs) Jon Schmidt's Love Story meets Viva la Vida.

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Monday, June 22, 2009, 5:21 PM
I think it scares me.

I know this post will sound very immature.

But it's a thought that keeps crossing my mind every now and then. I think, it's really very scary to see people just moving on and away from your life.

I want to be able to share some of the happiness and excitement and fun too, but I can't seem to. Why is it so? My hermit shell has gotten too tough already, and I cannot see what exactly is going on in other people's lives. Maybe through FB, if that counts. But it's just a pathetic excuse, I know.

And it frightens me somehow. Is there something wrong with me, with the way I am? Sigh. Maybe it's just me again. That's no surprise. But I want to get out of this shit hole. Fast.

Hellogoodbye.

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Saturday, June 20, 2009, 5:19 PM
Access denied.

So I finally plucked up enough courage to log onto the UAS Online Appeal page to check my appeal status, and yes, it's true that my appeal wasn't successful.

It figures, since I haven't heard from them at all ever since the University application lines opened. Oh well, I can only blame it on my sucky A level results. Chemistry, chemistry will be my worst enemy from now onwards. NTU, here I come.

Xuewei, if you're reading this, I just want to tell you that till today I have your sms in my phone, the one that encouraged me to study hard and do well enough to get my desired place in University, so I wouldn't have to look back and blame myself or regret anything. At this very moment I guess its a mixture of blessing and disappointment for me about the appeal results, but I still thank you for the sms. It really encouraged me, so, thank you.

Now I guess my heart and mind has to settle for the other, and I don't know, it's still a very disappointing fact that my hard work back then has failed me in the form of mediocre results. Breathes. I'll be okay; just, need some time to let it sink through. (:

Been on hiatus lately, away from everything else, cos I've been down with a fever and sore throat, and tuitions during the June holidays seriously is hectic, so I cannot wait for it to end. Prays that the government doesn't call for an extension in the hols! And listening to Class 95 and 91.3FM on the radio is just therapeutic, albeit the fact it's very noisy at times. Haha!

I miss having fun with everyone else. So many things to do, so little time.

Listening to The Corrs, Radio.

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Friday, June 19, 2009, 5:18 PM
What a weird timing.



Yeah, it's a really weird time to be blogging now, especially since it's dinner time soon and my tummy's rumbling and everyone else is just knocking off from work and stuff.

Even funnier was last night's dinner at Soup Spoon, with Sean. That guy, he has a really weird dressing sense.. but never mind, it's his style. So after a round of waiting for tables to clear, we decided our tummies were far more important and finally settled for the counter tops instead.

Clam chowder soup is really my favourite there, though each time I go the clams seem to become smaller and smaller. Hah. And the brussel sprouts salad was amazing too. Lovely, lovely.

The joke of the evening was when we were talking about people who were becoming too tanned, or rather, too orange under the sun lately. Yada yada and then came this guy who was very tan and muscular. He sat at the table directly in front of me. Interesting.

But what really made me explode with laughter was when Sean mentioned that his skin was exactly the same shade of orange as his glass of iced lemon tea (see above picture). I swear it was the truth. (: Hilarious. Don't be mistaken, I like orange, I like iced lemon tea, I like being tanned. It's just.. getting too visual for me. Hahaha.

Okay, I'm getting too bored for my own good lately. Two more days till I see my darling again! Yay. (:

And oh, I'm sick with fever. Booo.

Listening to Jesse McCartney, Because You Live. Oooooh.

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Wednesday, June 17, 2009, 10:18 PM
Huff and puff and I'll blow you away.

Law Camp ends on Saturday.

*Counts my fingers.* Okay, let's give it till Sunday, since the poor boy needs to sleep in and get his energy back after the 4 days of physical exertion. That's 4 more days to go! Whee.

I miss you already. (:

Anyway, because the sun was setting so beautifully today, I decided to go running. It's only my second attempt at 2.4km so far this year, and it totally sucked. Haha. To think I actually passed my napfa back then.

So there I was, huffing and panting like some wheezy dog, when to my biggest horror I was overtaken by... an old man! And he was just chipper and jogging away like it was a breeze. =x Ack. I am completely ashamed of the pathetic state of health I am in.

But hey, just to clarify, I really suck at running, but I guess I do appreciate the fact that jogging releases good endorphins. Though I do prefer the water. (:

Thus concludes my day. Besides running, I had my usual tuition lessons with my kids. Okay, not bad, but I'm starting to feel dreary and bored about the hot weather and all that travelling. Ah, I'll hang on. I will!

Tonight, as always, I'll think of my boy and smile my way into lala land with him. Bliss.

Listening to Iron And Wine, Naked As We Came.

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Monday, June 15, 2009, 7:40 PM
Sardine-d weekends.

The PC show at Suntec was crazy. Went on the weekends with Cunzheng - on both days it just drained my energy like that. Lots of crowd, lots of elbowing, lots of noise, some familiar faces. Quite fun, but definitely tiring.

A lot of good deals going on, and after much contemplation I finally got my 320gb WD external hard disk for a reasonable price, hurray.

The joke of the day yesterday was this Harvey Norman guy trying to offer freebies to Van Tan for getting a wireless laser projector, so he kept asking,

"What freebies you want? I give you. This will also come with a free pouch, very good quality one"

When all she wanted to know was if there were any cheaper alternatives to that particular projector. That guy really was good at trying to divert the attention. Lmao.

Now, I'm just getting green with envy at Cunzheng for making his order for the Macbook Pro online! The rebate's really attractive. (: Apple apple apple. It's making me lose sleep.

Yeah, I even texted cz stating that I couldn't sleep cos' all the macbooks and applecares and windows and dollar signs are filling my head night after night.

The next few things that I really want to do, amidst everything else, are

1. watch Ghosts of Girlfriends' Past
2. the Da Vinci exhibition
3. Art Museum
4. read some sociology related texts
5. swim
6. sleep earlier
7. sort my cupboard and clothes

Seems like everything is in a mess, still. Not good. Fass seems even further away. Well, I tried.

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Friday, June 12, 2009, 10:12 PM
Versus.



有时想想看， 不同人的确有不同命。唉。 想这么多也没用。算了。

Don't ask me why it's in chinese, but I just felt that some things are better expressed with a little sigh somewhere. Haha.

Guess I shall just indulge in reading instead. After all, for me it's simply no money, no talk. Got money, can talk, but that's just about it.

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12:00 AM
I'll die of laughter instead.



I think it'd be so exhilarating if I could laugh my head off like this guy without having to give two hoots about who will comment on my glasses and geeky plain jane looks.

Or better still, I should just study real hard and who knows, someday, I may just wind up looking like him!

HAHAHAHA.

Oooh. Nice try Angie, keep talking to yourself, that's the way to go! This is classified as self entertainment at its best okay (:

Yup, I just did my online acceptance forms for NTU. Waiting to submit the photograph.. I don't have a decent one yet.

Now, if only 1) NUS would give me some news about my appeal soon, and 2) someone could advise me as to whether I should get a Macbook from outside or school. The rebates at Apple are just sooo tempting! Trade-offs are everywhere. Sigh.

And I'm on a kill-the-ants campaign. God knows why they're suddenly everywhere on the computer desk now. Yikes. I'm gonna get rid of them with hot water; it's ummm, cleaner this way. Sorry ants, you're cute and oh-so-small, but too many cooks spoil the broth yeah? Shoo, shoo!

Nights world.

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Thursday, June 11, 2009, 9:22 PM
Nothing else is needed.

Nick Vujicic once said before,

“I may not have hands to hold my wife’s hands,
but when the time comes, I will be able to hold her heart.

I don’t need my hands to hold her heart.”

I think it takes a lot of courage and trust for love to become everlasting. I love yous may be losing their meaning in today's unfeeling world, but I still believe in them. Especially if you mean it.

I used to think that I needed sweet nothings to survive and believe that love exists, but on second thought, that seems too superficial and stupid of me.

How could I have forgotten the meaning of Ronan Keating's song? Sigh.

I'll move on, I'll move on. It's more meaningful when you feel it instead of demand for it.

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10:42 AM
A scarlet letter.

Happy Birthday Annie (:



Sometimes I get tired of waiting, wondering if you were ever coming around.

My world is a different shade of purple everyday; an occasional hue of pink, sometimes a splash of magenta. I would try to find an image of you within these frames, but somehow you were always out of the picture. Maybe even the intangibles have an expiry date on them too.

I am learning not to hold any expectations. We can all lead our own lives. I will only wait with my queue number. So that no disappointments can come my way. Right? Right. Now I finally understand why it is better like this.

I want to embrace it all. It's just that, I haven't got a clue where I'm headed for, yet. I feel like I'm still floundering. Try as I might, I am embracing whatever comes my way.

La la la.




Monday, June 8, 2009, 11:26 PM
When we buy and buy without thinking.

No offence, just what I am thinking this very minute.

Yeah sure this world is getting to be more consumeristic ( read: materialistic ), simply cos the minute a new gadget or product pops up in the market, people flock to get it. For whatever the reasons may be - because it looks nice, it works better than what they already have, they think what they have sucks to the core, it is worth the money, they can afford it anyway, and so forth - they flock to get it. It's just as the most basic theory of Economics dictates - consumers are always seeking to satisfy their desires and wants. And then, supply meets the demand.

What bothers me is how we all seem to have forgotten what it means to be contented with we already have. I'm not saying we shouldn't consume to fulfill our wants and needs; it's the most fundamental thing Man does all the time. It just annoys me that we are trying so hard to "catch up" with science and technology and modern living and the works that we simply forget to slow down and just think.

I've already made up my mind not to dwell too much on the past, but some things like this still annoy me. No offence to you, you and you who is considering the latest models of whatever gadgets. You're helping our ailing economy, which is good. I just don't wish to get too caught up in it.

I just get what I really need. What's with all the hype anyway.

Okay, I'm less annoyed now. Breathes.

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Sunday, June 7, 2009, 6:04 PM
8, and counting.

Does the rain fall in a million tiny drops, or does it fall in huge sheets?

Accompanied my cousins to the Metta School's family carnival after their tuition, and we got to hang out and watch some interesting performances and yes, eat lots of food. I've somehow always disliked attending carnivals for the fact that you spend more than the things are worth, that the crowd is always too jostling, that the noise is always too loud, but the company I was with made things better. And we all stole a laugh when I jumped at the sound of bursting balloons. I thought I was being discreet, but uh, they saw me jump.

Just when I thought swimming might be a feasible plan to carry out after tuition this afternoon, the rain came out to play. Ah well. At least I got my personal problems sorted out despite the lack of swim. Yeah, today I found out on wikipedia that I have an anxiety-preoccupied attachment to my boyfriend. That explains why I managed to scare him off with my antics lately. I'm indeed strange. I need a mind opener.

I hope things haven't changed between us. The rain is more lonely than cold, if you know what I mean. Those were the days; these are the upcoming days. They will be the same better. 8 months, and counting, okay?

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Saturday, June 6, 2009, 8:15 PM
Her story.



I'm currently reading a true story of Schapelle Corby, an Australian woman who was sentenced to twenty years in a Bali prison, because she had been found with 4.2 kg of marijuana in her boogie-board bag at the airport.

I think her trials and conviction became one of the biggest news stories back in late 2004 as she was being sentenced to twenty freaking years in jail. Imagine that, being charged for a crime you did not commit! In her book she explains the entire situation of her case, of her family persistenly begging, pleading and demanding the Balinese authorities for months and months beyond, to launch detailed investigations for Schapelle's case, but for some reason or another they have consistently refused their pleas. I find that strange too.

And yes, she's still serving a sentence in Bali's Kerobokan Prison for a crime she did not commit, with about 15 more years to go. In the past few years she's lost all hopes, she's been unable to say a last goodbye her sick and dying father's side before he succumbed to bone cancer in January 2008, and to her she has no tomorrows left. I truly sympathise with her.

Surely the situation of corruption in these countries have been improved over the years? Apparently I was utterly wrong. In fact, it's as rampant as the mice on the filthy streets, it's so ridiculously audacious. The prison guards and police authorities are just as corrupted as can be, which is a scary truth. Reading her story, I think she's been a brave woman.

How many of us can be as brave if we were put in her shoes?

Lately tuition has been manageable, despite my initial dread. The unpredictable weather is hellish though, and it really isn't a comforting sight to see that I'm almost always soaked through my clothes under the sweltering heat. Need to drink more water.

I thought that being away from you for the time being would ease my mind, but no, I find it hard not to think about you. I miss you. I still smile a little when I think of you. But I didn't dare confess anything because I didn't want to look like the weaker one who couldn't withstand a little independence on my own two feet. Yes I'm being silly. Now I only wonder if we might never get the chance to be like how we were just a few months back. I really missed those days.

I've stopped in my tracks while you've moved on. But I can't stop progress.

Listening to Cyndi Lauper, Time After Time.

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Thursday, June 4, 2009, 6:25 PM
Finally content with a past I regret.

Maybe one day I can be an editor for primary school textbooks and learning materials; it's like engineering and modifying a set of codes to be deciphered and learned by the people who use them. You try and try each time to bring the level of difficulty up a notch, pushing the limits. You get to define what is needed to be learned.

I've been indoors too much, or rather, outdoors too little, such that I'm getting a little pasty-faced. Need. the. sun. now.

I've maxed out my library loans this afternoon; there's a little voice in me that is damn determined to get some reading done in the well and proper manner. My heart says so; hopefully the mind is as willing. Knowing me, I'd be too ill-disciplined to see through an entire non-fiction book before I try to move on to another one, but this time I'll make sure I read.

Figures, statistics and unfamiliar jargons have never been my forte though.

Somewhere along the way I believed that if I let myself start anew, I would find that life has always been patiently waiting for me. There's no guarantee, but I know that I'm not alone. But when I do face it, I find myself halting because there's still so much I have yet to catch up with.

That's it. There must come a time in everyone's life when they find themselves watching nothing but the years passing by. Like now. I've loved like I should, and lived like I shouldn't. But I'm reluctant to draw the line clear, lest it becomes a permanent one.

From The Time Traveller's Wife: Why do you go where I cannot follow?

Perhaps I should paint my toenails a midnight purple to swim in.

Listening to Rascal Flatts, I'm Moving On.

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Monday, June 1, 2009, 9:36 PM
Through the windows.



The last few days have been a little tiring, for some reason or another - lack of proper sleep, lack of inspiration etc. - but some things never change, and yes, those are the good ones. Good company, good food, good music, good places to go.

My June holiday tuition schedule is more or less confirmed, and so I'll be doubly busy. But it is the little joys that remind me the perks of teaching, such a handmade card from Dexter, my youngest cousin at Primary 2 now; a customised name-stamp from my other cousins, and seeing my tutees make improvements in their work. The hot weather makes it a chore to travel, but I'll endure it.

Lately I've been confiding more things in the diary, a bulk of which comes from little things that have happened to me and to others around me, with the days that pass. It's intriguing. I can only conclude that I cannot undo the things that have happened, but I've learnt much from whatever mistakes I've made to myself or to others, so that I can become better.

I found out the hard way: It is better to influence others with joy and passion when you are at peace with yourself; if you're fighting wars with yourself, chances are, other people who care for you want to help you fight your wars too, and this tires everyone out. Wouldn't it be wiser if you could make peace instead. (:

Ah, words of wisdom from the not-so-wise Angie. HAHA. For fun, laughter, peace and joy.

Listening to Cyndi Lauper, Time After Time.

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