I don't feel too good today. Maybe it's because I'm emo-ing, just a little, so I'm silently fuming in my head to contain all the angsty thoughts I'm feeling inside. It kinda sucks when you need an inspiration but can't seem to find any. It sucks even more when you need some help and advice but can't get any at all. I know I sound like I'm putting blame on the rest of the world when I shouldn't be doing so, especially when it really isn't anyone's fault but mine, but I'm just feeling frustrated so please just let me get this jerky feeling off. I've done the asking and somehow I feel that I haven't really gotten any reply in return. Is it just me, so much so that the sound of my name scares people in the opposite direction, or am I supposed to get through this by myself? Is this the norm or something? So what am I supposed to do now. Just sit around and wait? Suck thumb and cry and mourn over the fact that I only have myself to thank for now that I'm in this state of helplessness? I won't do any of that, I'll take it on and do what I can, and you can pity me. I know I've never really been that brave a person in the first place, but I think I've been left alone long enough to feel that I can truly depend on nobody else but me. You know, I would never stoop so low as to grieve over my trivial losses but I am only human, and by asking for help I already feel like I've tried to leave a part of my burden on someone else, which isn't what I had intended do because I find it too much of a hassle to take. Perhaps its my pride speaking, perhaps I'm too proud or aloof to seek help when I need some, which more or less explains the state that I've landed myself in. But now I really feel so goddamned helpless, and I know you may already have gone through this stage yourself so you're thinking that I should get a life and move on, but please, just leave me to be. I promise I'll be fine, once I get past this.

Now I just need to cool off and get the damned thing done. When this is really over maybe I'll look back and savour everything - how stupid I sounded here, how angsty I'd been. Dang, this path is damn crooked and too narrow for me to walk. And I'm fast losing my patience.

This must be one of the worst times I've felt about myself.

All the butterflies in my tummy have been soothed, somewhat. 

But they're now replaced by the dread of having to weigh options and choices. Not to mention, more waiting, to see what happens.

I had expected to do better, perhaps, which explained my initial major disappointment. Considering what I sacrificed with the decision made then, what lessons I learnt throughout. But now I'm over with getting upset. Cos I did do my best, and I'm not exactly totally unhappy with my grades. Getting a B in math and econs was definitely pleasant news. And oh I'm glad for Audrey, she did well. (:

Perhaps this path was never be straight to begin with, but at least I know that there's somewhere I can go. So I'll walk on, and hope that with every turn in the corner I wont get lost.

On a lighter note, I'm coping pretty well with my tuition assignments and temporary games facilitation job. In all honesty, I feel happy for me. Indeed, the things that dont kill you, make you stronger.

There's alot of intricate lines in the road ahead that I have to cross, very carefully, very steadily, so I'm gonna pray damn hard. It ain't over yet.

Listenign to Spice Girls, Wannabe.