Still, back to basics.
she says,

angie lim.

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Friday, February 27, 2009, 9:06 PM
Another ditch in the road, you keep moving.

I had my iTunes on shuffle as usual, and I let my attention wander to the lyrics of this song.

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self esteem
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold
I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

[chorus]

I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed
I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists
I believe in love surviving death into eternity

[chorus]

- Affirmation, by Savage Garden.

I wish my beliefs were as firm as I want them to be. Because I have to admit that there are indeed times when I have let my beliefs sway. It does take alot of courage to stick by a decision made based on beliefs, and not based on mere judgments or reckless feelings.

Perhaps its about time I stop trying to seek acknowledgements or words of praises for every little thing I do. It is indeed kinda meaningless for I know that I can actually celebrate myself for who I am, for what I can do.

I've been enlightened, so endlessly.




Thursday, February 26, 2009, 8:10 PM
A miserable wait.

So this week has been full of the unexpected.

I am barely scraping by as each day passes. Last minute cancellings, last minute realisations, last minute panic attacks. It ain't all that pleasant to take in, but I try to think with a straight head and push my thoughts up above the murky waters. I feel like I'm in a tiny little boat, drifting, and I only tossed the ideas out there, if I knew they were gonna float.

So many questions, all unanswered. The only thing to do now, is to wait. Oh boy, it's gonna be such a long, miserable wait.

You see, there are many things that I've done, but there are some which I'm not proud of. I can choose to disregard them, or dismiss them. Yet I'll never forget any of them, no matter how hard I try. So they'll remain as the skeletons in my closet, to which I'll toss the keys far far away and hope I'll never have to find them back anymore. But I learn my lessons, and I learn them so I dont make the same mistakes again.

My fingers and toes are crossed. I dare not carry such high hopes. If it's going to be a horrible failure, so be it. But I'll welcome Judgment Day with an open mind, because I know that I should have some confidence in myself. Yeah.

Now all that I'm praying for, are the answers to all of my questions. Time will reveal my answers, one by one.

Listening to Jordan Pruitt, When She Loved Me.




Saturday, February 21, 2009, 7:10 PM
No fairytale.

I had been building up walls around me. 

What I didnt know, was how you broke them down,
one by one, 
brick by brick, 
a little more each time.

So I heard the piano playing, the music floating in the air.
It was calm,
it was quiet.

I thought the world had vanished between us.

Because I let my guard down,
I let my heart rule over my head,
I let everything else take over from there.

I thought that all these while I have been waiting for the next best thing.
What I didnt know,
was that I already had the best.

It was no fairytale,
but it had a happy ending after all, I suppose.

It's gonna be another busy day tomorrow, and the days following that. Exciting (:

Listening to Sara Bareilles, Fairytale.

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Friday, February 20, 2009, 9:00 PM
Ain't as easy as it seems.

I'm referring to two separate issues here. Here's the first.

So I had my second tuition lesson with this particular kid today. He's energetic, quick to learn things, and is very adorable. On the flipside of the coin, he fidgets alot, forgets the new things that he learns, and is very, very mischievous. He likes to flick his pencil against the walls, and bounce his eraser on the table. He doesnt like to read, so he gets up and walks around the room every few minutes, imitating the animal sounds as I read them from the books. You see, there's so many things I'm eager to teach, and yet I'm having a hard time dealing with him.

But I'm not giving up. Even though it's not as easy as it seems.

Here's the second.

It's always strange how we use the same words to express ourselves, but we don't seem to refer to the same things. So I thought you meant 'this' when you wanted to explain about 'that'. And I wanted to tell you 'this' but you saw it as 'that'. I panicked, frantically, puzzlingly, a little too eagerly, as I tried to play around with my words to devise a means of saving myself some grace from being misunderstood. But by the time I try to explain myself, everything's too far gone from what I initially wanted you to understand.

Maybe I'm too tired, and my mind's becoming a mental mess.

So it was like an erratic graph, where it plunged and crashed into nothingness? I hope to be able to pick it up from where it ended. It just ain't that easy to sort things out.

Because you see, I'm tired, upset, and a little angry at myself. Because this is the first time you make me cry.

Listening to the night.




Thursday, February 19, 2009, 11:08 PM

I'm trying. I am.
Why cant you understand me?
I dont like the way you're talking to me.
I love you, I want to listen to you.
I dont like arguing with you.
But I'm trying, cant you see?
I dont like to cry.
I'm sorry I let you down sometimes.
I'm sorry.




9:33 PM
The alter ego.

I'm tired, but I'm not exactly tired. I dont know what I'm talking about. Must be all the travelling these days.

Busy, freaking busy.
Its all very stupid cos I have time to get online and blog like this at night but I'm a freaking full time tutor in the day. The pay's good and all, though I seriously need to exercise more caution in my time management, in the future. Which isnt too far away.
At this rate I'm going, I'm losing my social life.

Hohoho.

Chill ah, Angie, chill.

Another find of the day: Hate Book
The arch enemy of Facebook, the alter ego of social networking, I suppose. In a more candid fashion, it's to say that this website is the evil cousin of FB. I was amused, but the novelty kinda wore off on me after a while.

Why cant money just fall from the sky so I wouldnt have to do so many things to earn it? Why. WHY. Money money money. Hahaha.

Listening to Lifehouse, Hanging By A Moment.




Wednesday, February 18, 2009, 11:21 PM
A first.

I hadn't seen it coming,
I hadn't expected that.
I guess there's always a first to everything.

I'm not the easiest person to love,
I'm not the easiest person to please.
I guess there's always a first to everything.

I was caught by surprise,
I was not sure what to do.
I guess there's always a first to everything.

I could hear your voice whispering,
I could feel your hot breaths against mine.
I guess there's always a first to everything.

I may have been a little alarmed,
I may have been a little reluctant.
I guess there's always a first to everything.

But it turned out alright.

See,
There's always a first to everything.

Listening to Vanessa Carlton, Pretty Baby.

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Monday, February 16, 2009, 3:59 PM
Comfort, some form of comfort.

"Remember, we all stumble, everyone of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand."
- Emily Kimbrough

I was bored so I finally logged onto fb, and made a note using a template from one of Veronica's notes. It's titled I've done 77 out of 132 stupid things. I thought my list could have been longer though, as I sat on the toilet bowl to finish my business.

Like how I slipped and knocked my head against the toilet bowl, and not long after, the basin in the bathroom. 3 small stitches did the trick, but I'll never forget those incidents.

Like how I got humped by my aunt's dog. It was gross! I accidentally got him horny by blowing through a pink plastic whistle, so I guess that's something I've learned never to do, ever.

Like how I tried to hide a fart ( and I thought I succeeded but obviously I didnt ) much to the disgust of my classmates. I think it was the onions and garlic in the fried noodles we cooked during Home Econs class. Yep.

Like how I didnt realise my umbrella was flipped the sunny side up at the edges during a terribly bad rainy day, until I reached the bus stop several minutes later. The umbrella was bright red and polka dotted.

Like how I stumbled upon a photo on fb and realised I got a huge unsightly glob of green thingy stuck between my braces. The green thingy was a piece of blardy brocolli. Untagged, thank god.

But I'm perfectly okay with these stupid things, cos after all, it's always fun to think back about these stupid, unglam and dumb things. It makes my day! Yay.

Oh busy week, here I come!

Listening to Maroon 5, She Will Be Loved.

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Sunday, February 15, 2009, 6:07 PM
I love you.

Busy busy, to the top of my neck.

To my surprise, I landed myself two more assignments in a matter of a few minutes. Now I'm having tuition with 5 kids for 6 days in a week! Hallelujah. To think I was complaining so grudgingly about the woes of having too much time and no monies. I need patience, patience...

The Uni talks yesterday. Mmm. Now that I have more information and options opened to me, I think its about time I seriously, seriously put some effort to consider what my next steps will be. The only fear nagging at me would be knowing the results release day. Just thinking about it makes me nervous!

But I'm glad to have all the advice and help I need. Decisions, decisions.

Yesterday was Valentines Day. Valentines Day has always been fun, but this year, its been wonderful. I'm not referring to the extravagance or luxuries, you know that. Now, everyday is Valentines Day. (: Well, nearly. Thank you, and I love you too.

Listening to Aly & AJ, Never Far Behind.

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Thursday, February 12, 2009, 8:22 PM
Slumdog Millionaire, anyone?



Watched Slumdog Millionaire today. Another thought provoking movie, full of exciting scenes and action. My heart just beat faster and faster whenever something is about to happen to Jamal or Latika, I was silently yelling for them to "Run! Faster, run!". And run they did. Haha.

Its an amazing story, what with the seemingly little, but definite connections that each incident in Jamal's life made with the hot-seat questions leading to 20 million Rupees. Every question has a story behind it, painful and touching ones. Of betrayal, loyalty, friendship, love, and destiny.

But what really captured my attention were the depicted scenes of India in the rural areas. Slums and children, worn down buildings, zinc roofs, simple games of ball and catch, and yet also of orphaned children being captured and forced into begging, but not before they are blinded in the eyes by hot acids just so they can "earn double, or even triple" as blind singers on the streets. Its sheer cruelty, even though it may be only in the movie itself.

In short, another breathtaking movie, nice. (:


Everyday that goes by, I'm watching the world go by. I enjoy people-watching wherever I go, but the truth is that people watch me, and perhaps you, all the time too. Its a world where you and me, arent that different at all.

We arent that different when we peel back the layers of ourselves. More often than not, we reveal a little bit more of ourselves when we let our guards down, when we open up to people. Which is why sometimes when you're with loved ones, you probably dont care if you're stripped naked to the core, completely vulnerable. Amazing, isnt it.

And thats perhaps why I can tell him the most unglam things in the most unglam manner without feeling too embarrassed. Cos we arent that different at all!

Listening to John Mayer, Waiting On The World To Change.




Wednesday, February 11, 2009, 9:16 PM
another find of the day.

I'm currently looping the song Promises, by Savage Garden, much to the annoyance of my sisters. Hah. It has a catchy tune which I absolutely cannot ignore. They just gotta wait till I get a little tired by the song or something. But I doubt so! (:

Spent some good, quiet time today.

I like opposites; the tangibles and intangibles, black and white, left and right, right and wrong, noise and silence, the visible (and better yet) the invisible. It just depends on the mood we're in, sometimes. The mind is an amazing thing. Full of candy and colours and feelings. I should like to know that I think with both my heart and head equally well.

And I just realised that my income is slowly, but surely, starting to come in from all sorts of sources. Haha. Yay! Just in time to save them all up for future uses. Like a trip to Australia or something. Haha! But more for Uni of course.

Here's my find of the day:

" When the strange man wouldn't quit staring at me while I nursed my baby, I finally lost it and asked him if he wanted some for his coffee. "

Taken off the website of One Sentence: True stories, told in one sentence. Its a pretty good one isnt it?

Listening to Savage Garden, Promises.




Monday, February 9, 2009, 9:37 PM
Not a child no more.

Sometimes I realise, like some of us have already realised, that we're all forced to grow up, in one way or another.

Forced to make decisions. To learn to trust our own instincts. To step into the shoes of an adult. To grope our way around until we find our way out properly.

We may take vastly different paths, see different things, or even become different people. But eventually, things arent that different at all, I suppose.

But I am learning a little every day.

Well don't you know that time is a broken glass
That splinters against the wall?
But the picture is coming back now baby,
And I want to take it all

Listening to Savage Garden, Promises.


Caught Benjamin Button today. Its a sad show, I was silently willing myself not to cry. I must admit that this is one of those shows that strike a chord in me.



I came out feeling blessed, but wanting to cherish everything that I have now. I came out after the show sighing about the fragility of life, and I told myself that I want to start living my life properly. I feel an urge to tell everyone that I love them, to learn to welcome everyday with an embrace, and never to have any regrets.

There are so many things that he did that I want to do too. Like watch the beautiful sunrise across the horizon. Feeling the colours streak across the skies and overwhelm me, envelope me through and through. I wouldnt mind dying that way, if I could see something so beautiful for the last time in my life. Not that I want to die now, but yeah, you get the idea.

I shant be a spoiler here. But really, this is a good show.

I dont mind watching it again.

Listening to Vanessa Carlton, Nolita Fairytale.




Sunday, February 8, 2009, 10:13 PM
busy week

It's been a helluva busy week. Work, work, tuition, tuition, birthdays and celebrations. I'm earning my money very diligently, but I'm also spending them almost immediately, and its terrible! But, its all worth it. So I shall not complain.

Happy birthday, once again, to the 6th Feb babies, Xuewei and Veronica, and 8th Feb boy Mervis Toh. Yay!

Time really, really flies. Sigh.

You know, sometimes I find it very hard to make people understand my intentions. I'm saying this based on my experience with my mother, who is always nagging at me for every little thing. So much so that sometimes I find it almost impossible to appease her expectations of me. I cant stand it when she makes me feel so f**ed up.

Why, tell me why.

Sleeping on it never helps, so please dont tell me that. Sigh. I'll have to work harder then.




On a lighter note, thank you for the roses (: Happy 4th month love.

Listening to Alesha Dixon, Breathe Slow.

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Thursday, February 5, 2009, 8:20 PM
introducing, my find of the day.

This week has been very fulfilling, because I got the opportunity to work with the kids from Teck Ghee Primary as a games facilitator, to promote Health Week for HPB (: Granted that they have been a very active and rowdy lot, so easily excited and eager to play, the 8 of us have certainly been challenged to many new circumstances. And, we're all losing our voices, so please let us get through our last day tomorrow smoothly! *Croaks*

Meeting and working with the 7 of them has also been fantastic - Nerissa, Aerin, Huiling, Yizhuang, Wan Xin, Jie Lun and Jeff. Been really really hectic this whole week, but I think we pulled it off pretty well. Yay (: Huiling, upload the photos on fb okay!

All in all, this has been a fun experience, despite the fact that we're on our feets the whole day and fight to be heard during our facilitations. Kudos.

Here's my find of the day:



This crumpled piece of squared paper fell out of the pockets of some kid this morning; reading the chinese characters remind me of primary school, and how my chinese teacher made us do xi zi almost everyday!

Shall do more posts on random finds of the day in future (:

Listening to Natasha Bedingfield, I Wanna Have Your Babies.




Monday, February 2, 2009, 11:34 AM
Baby Blues. Oh, the blues.



Baby blues is my all time favourite comic. I know because its the first comic I read whenever I get The Straits Time, Life! section. I know because its also the first comic strip from which I made a scrapebook from, when I was in primary school, for some random reason.

See, this is what I do when I'm hopelessly bored :D

Besides listening to songs and more songs till my ears go numb. Besides doodling in my notebooks. Besides exploring Stumbleupon pages till my head swells with so much information and excitement. Besides doing the darned household chores. Besides pacing around my room trying to clear the mess by staring at them.

I know. I'm hopeless. Thank you for reading this hopelessly pointless entry. Maybe the comic strip made your day. I dont know. I just felt really random today :D

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Sunday, February 1, 2009, 1:40 PM

Its been a good CNY thus far. Been a little more slack than the past years, the ang paos are less fat than before, the whole celebratory mood just isnt there somehow, but I still had my fair share of fun. Maybe its me at 19 years of age that isnt so into Blackjack anymore, so I didnt play at all.

I secretly think I'm slowly declining into a state of lingering in my own comfort zones. Thus far I'm very happy with my physical survival, armed with just my music and books and food. And I'm steadily putting on weight, no matter how high my metabolism rates are. But there's only so much I can take without the companionship of people.

Been addicted to Stumbleupon, ever since reading Xuewei's post! And I want to watch like a million movies, listen to a million other songs, read a million other books. Aiyo, where's my money to do all these? Hahahahaha.

Listening to Keith Urban, Its A Love Thing.