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Thursday, January 29, 2009, 3:55 PM



Is it really that difficult to get the best of both worlds?


Listening to Cyndi Lauper, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.




Sunday, January 25, 2009, 1:31 PM
Pieces of a puzzle.

I think my life these days have been about filling in pieces of a puzzle. Its kinda empty to begin with, an almost clean slate, but with time, there are more pieces to fill in. I dont know what picture it will form though, but I shall be patient and wait.

Wouldnt it be wonderful to just close your eyes, and escape this town for a little while?

I'm an odd job labourer. And I like it. Hahaha.

But seriously, waitressing is not an easy task to take on. A two day stint ( today will be my last day there ) at Jubao, a Hong Kong cuisine eating house, has provided me with enough respect for the waiters and waitresses at restaurants and banquets. Busy, tiring, physically demanding, but I enjoyed myself thoroughly. All the aunties, a.k.a. my co-workers but with much more experience than I have, are nice enough to guide me the ropes when I'm clumsy and all. But I'm quite a fast learner okay. Haha!

This job is something I'll do once, for the experience, and probably never try it again. ( Unless the pay's damn good, which is highly impossible. Hah. )

After CNY I'll be a games facilitator with HPB for the primary school kids! Exciting, perhaps, but I'm a bit wary. Ah, shall see how it goes. Too bad its a number one rule that the facilitators cannot punish the naughty ones. Oops, I didnt say that.

Plus tuitions.. Thats enough for me now. But no harm trying more!

And I enjoyed the hang out talk cock session with them at Coffee Bean last night. (:

I'm still waiting, waiting for pieces of my puzzle.

Listening to Spice Girls, Mama.
Reading My Name Is Number 4, written by Ting-Xing Ye.




Tuesday, January 20, 2009, 10:39 PM
Yes we can.

I must admit that I am not a very enthusiastic fan of politics in the first place, much less about the US politics. But this time its different. The hype about Barack Obama's Presidential Inauguration today is slowly getting to me. All it took was to watch his victory speech after the Elections' 08, to really listen to his words, and be inspired by this legendary figure all over again.

For his words are ordinary, yet powerful. I cant help but admire him for his audacity and courage.

I need my shut-eye now, for the next few days will get me busy. Or so I think. I've been too slack for my own good. Nights world.

Listening to Westlife, Butterfly Kisses.




Monday, January 19, 2009, 10:37 PM
A conclusion. For now.


Audrey's got a new phone! LG's KU990 Viewty. My dad calls it "the EL-GIE Lee-ber-tee" but he does that on purpose so, never mind him. Haa. Lovely. Pink is a nice colour to own. (: I shall be nice to Audrey and she'll be nice to lend me sometime too. Its a deal. Good.

Today I concluded that I can give the impression that I am reserved and rather anti-social, but if you happen to ask, I will open up and tell you anything and everything. Because I am not shy about my feelings, and neither am I afraid to show them. I can blog about them, talk about them, yeah. Is this a good or bad trait, I'll let you decide. I dont like hiding in grey areas. Too shady and complicated sometimes.

Am I really such a difficult person to befriend? Haha. (: I should think not, but I dont know about the others. Okay, I am stubborn sometimes. Certain circumstances in the past have brought me out of my shell somewhat. So I kinda went with the flow, hung out abit with the regulars and stuff. Certain ideals and beliefs and habits have stuck with me ever since, but I havent done bad things, so I guess I'm good so far.

Everyday I am learning things, about myself, about the people around me, and about how certain things work even though there isnt a fixed set of rules to follow. I suppose when the universe and mankind was created, the almighty/ almighties above merely made sure mankind's physical survival was key, and kinda left all the little complexities unsolved.

Thanks for listening today. Lets try a different drink each time we're there, shall we? Yeah.

Listening to Taylor Swift, Love Story.

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Sunday, January 18, 2009, 10:47 AM
Breaking even.

Feels like a million miles apart, even though it isnt so.
Of all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right.
I have the urge to... To do something that will leave people in awe of me.
Wouldnt that be awesome?
But that'd be too ambitious, and I'm not God.

My slate is clean, empty of any words. Except for some unseen markings.
So many times I want to start anew. But its proving very difficult to do.
Time after time.
I have the urge to... To say something.
Yet, my lips are sealed. Somewhat.

It still lingers, like perfume in the air. Heavy. I cant get rid of it.
And no amount of words will ever soothe it.
Because whats there, will always be there, hidden beneath the dust.
I have the urge to... To break even.
But not when I dont even know where to begin.

Why do the familiar scenes seem so... awkward now?
I'm looking at you, and you, back at me.
Maybe time has wedged its way between us, so we dont know how to face each other like before.
I have the urge to... To ask why. What has happened?
Yet I dont have any courage to try.

What has become of me?
This shouldnt be happening to me, not now.

I said something very stupid when Benjamin called me. His response kinda left me startled. Sigh.

Listening to Leona Lewis, Forgive Me.

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Friday, January 16, 2009, 11:49 AM
Untitled.



The dream fled, like wild horses across the horizon.
She stirred, shivered.
Wild horses, gallant.
Wild horses, quiet against the sunset.
A voice, someone, softly.

She stirred.

Just an ordinary day, she saw.
A boy looking to the skies.
That voice.
Wild horses, stirring.
She takes a step closer. Closer.

Nothing.

She stirs.

But that boy.
Now stands in her doorway.
Saying, come with me.
Come.

Wild horses, across the horizon.




Thursday, January 15, 2009, 2:38 PM
I was bored, so...

I am bored. I have done enough mopping, sweeping and washing to feel sick and tired of chores. Been reading a book on the cultures and behaviours of children, but I need something else to add that zing into my hours. So now I'm resorting to entertaining myself with whatever I can find.

Here's what I found (:


Pretty cute isnt it. Hahaha. I'm quite amused by the faces I drew, cos its so interesting. (: For fun, laughter, peace and joy!

Oh dear.

I'm still having difficulties coping with time management, and trying to sort out my (physical) commitments. I need to sort things out. Go go go!

Listening to Cherish, Killa.

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Wednesday, January 14, 2009, 8:32 PM
Gimme gimme gimme.

Contracts always sound dubious, but I suppose, with a short stint as a games facilitator for HPB interacting with the children, it should be a good experience. Just dont let me meet the dare devil ones; bound to be nosy, noisy and naughty. Haha.

Money money money. I want money. I sound pretty desperate. Oops.

So its been another good day out with cz. Good, good (: I could get used to enjoying coffee, since the iced mocca frappe from Starbucks is still lingering in my head.

I think its pretty scary to grow old. White hair, wrinkled noses, crinkly skin, ageing spots, sagging boobs, flabby arms. Urgh. The worst of all, is to be aimlessly wondering about. Like those ah peks we always see at the airport's viewing gallery -.-

Die. I dont wanna grow old. I wanna stay young.

But but but. Sigh. Never mind.

I shall not worry myself silly over this yet. (:

Listening to Spice Girls, Mama.

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Tuesday, January 13, 2009, 10:03 PM
5 hugs a day keeps a person happy.

So I finally got up on my ass to do some cleaning up in the house today! Funny how time passes so fast when you're busy with something. So I put the music on, got the mop and broom busy, and the dishes washed, dried and clean. Lovely. I even got my watches fixed! So now I wont have to play guess-the-time again with cz.

But I think I like that silly little game of ours.

Had a long bus ride down to Punggol, watching the world go by my window panes. Tutored my primary 2 kid, and while an hour is easy to pass, it isnt that easy to produce results. But I'm not gonna give myself pressure. After all, I'm doing the best that I can! (:

And oh, while I admit that I was the one singing songs in the kitchen, I dont understand how is it that when we speak or sing, our voice sounds different from how others hear it? So you see, I used to think that I could sing well, but today I am proven so wrong. Scary. No more Kbox. Haha.

But I'll still sing. Hahaha. Anyway.

I realise that I get annoyed very easily. Its all very silly, but it happens to me.
I get annoyed when people dont tell me things.
I get annoyed when people just walk away.
I get annoyed when things dont go my way.
I get annoyed when people cannot see how much effort I put into doing something.

I would get so annoyed that I would fume silently until the effect is lost on me.

Maybe I should be a little more understanding, less assuming and impatient. Maybe I should be expecting lesser, be less self centred.
To know what it takes to be more patient.
To demand lesser.
To ask instead of waiting to be asked.
To be more open minded.

Why cant I seek some form of enlightenment or nirvana or something. So I wont have to be a human with so many weaknesses. But nobody is flawless for that matter.

I'm thinking way too much. Well at least I know that I should be contented with what I have. I have the freedom to do what I want ( I just dont capitalise on it ) and I have support in many forms too. Thank god for cz's company. Well.

Of the places we've been, of the times we've spent, of the words we've spoken, of the things we've done.. It isnt alot, honestly, and it isnt very extraordinary or extremely fascinating. But things are simple, and I like that. I should like to think that there's nothing better than to have good company. Who cares about the place or the weather or the crowd.

Most of all, it brightens my life to have heart to heart talks about anything and everything under the sun. And to top off the day with plenty of hugs (: I'm lucky to have someone to share my fears, my joys and to spend my days with. Family, friends, and him. Its just that I havent been feeling sociable these days, and I havent quite met up with 29th or the girls. Though things can be better, I think we'll figure things out.

We will. (:

Its been a rather.. trying day. Nights world.

Listening to Five For Fighting, Superman.

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Monday, January 12, 2009, 7:59 PM
I'm feeling like dumb dumb.

It was carelessness on my part, as well as on my dentist's part, to have overlooked the excess wires. How could I have been so dumb to have not noticed that. Now I have to make a second trip down just to get rid of the wires. SIGH.

So what if I have my bright red and pink rubber bands.

I want to just go to sleep and wake up to find that all my woes are gone. No more troubles, no more worries. Everything that I could ever want in my life would appear magically in front of me. What a wonderful thing that's be. But thats impossible.

And it kills the purpose of life!

Perhaps the only thing that will perk me up now, is reading horoscopes. But thats only a cheap thrill.

Listening to Black Eyed Peas, Dont Lie.

Such an apt song.

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Sunday, January 11, 2009, 11:30 PM



Simplicity is beautiful.

Listening to Faith Hill, Cry.

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11:49 AM
DREAMS

I had a dream. A scary dream. I dreamt that my braces started falling out from my teeth. The colourful rubber bands were falling everywhere into the basin, so scary. I even mentally planned to see my dentist already.

But funny, I do have an appointment tomorrow. Good. I'm going to go for braces the Chinese New Year style. Who knows, I may get more luck with more red. More red please!

HAHAHA.

Kids can sometimes get on my nerves, when they scream and kick up a big fuss. You know, the high pitched and very very whiny kind of screams. Yeah. But not if they are cute and happy and willing to listen (:

I'm still very much in love with baby blue eyes, like Nicole Kidman's. Lovely.

Listening to John Mayer, Why Georgia.

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Thursday, January 8, 2009, 10:29 PM
of feelings

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.
So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

I feel like I'm off to a rough start in 2009.

I am thinking, I am staring into the night, I am letting random, shapeless thoughts flee and reappear again in my head.

I am forming conclusions about myself, I am wondering about my present, I am worrying about my future. I'm not moving.

I am tracing my thoughts back to things that have happened to me; pleasant and unpleasant things, just recently, or even way back in the past. I am thinking, I am questioning. I am wondering, what did I do right? What did I do wrong? Why did I do that?

I am feeling unsure. I am feeling alone, despite the fact that it isnt so. I am feeling clueless.

I dont like feeling this way. So I guess its time for bed.




Wednesday, January 7, 2009, 2:37 PM
peace baby, peace.

Now that school and Uni has started, everything seems much quieter these days, as compared to those in December. Things are so uncannily peaceful.

My presentation's over and done with, and it wasnt all that bad I suppose, except for some bad nerves that got to me just before it was my turn to speak. Glad to see some familiar faces around, the jc2s who were helping out in the programme, and the teachers too. I miss NY days. (:

I think there is always, always some desire within me to be acknowledged by people, for whatever my efforts and possibly, even for my presence. It isnt hard to feel vulnerable and more often than not, it is I who let myself feel all these silly little emotions. But I also believe that we are all humans and creatures with feelings, so while I wont be proud of my mistakes or stupid wounds, I wont deny myself of my own feelings.

Peace baby, peace. I'm gonna stick to an inner peace.

It's our 3rd month. Love.

Listening to Savage Garden, To The Moon and Back.

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Tuesday, January 6, 2009, 10:04 PM

I recently downloaded a few episodes of Happy Tree Friends, and almost instantly I am reminded me of my secondary school days. Neopets too. I have absolutely no idea why.

I'll be going back to NY tomorrow, to do some sharing with the secondary school kids involved in the immersion programme. I realise I do miss NY quite abit, as I rambled on and on while typing my presentation speech. So yes, tomorrow I shall go back and do some sharing as an alumni (:

Unfortunately, I'm still, STILL, unemployed. This is terrible. Its a fact that will not be made known tomorrow, not to those kids please :D

Listening to Vanessa Carlton, Ordinary Day.




Monday, January 5, 2009, 6:56 PM
beautiful song

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far

I couldnt help but loop the song by Jon Mclaughlin, So Close.




12:45 AM

When I woke up this morning, I felt depressed. Probably because I'm still unemployed, aimless, and with nothing valuable except for plenty of time on my hands.

So I shall spend my time reading all I can, sleeping in as late as I can, eating as much as I want, playing my games, listening to all my songs on the ipod touch and radio. Oh yes, I hear that Yes Man is nice?

But that only adds onto my misery. I can totally feel myself getting into the "whiny" mode, especially now that I'm out of school and in the middle of nowhere. Thank god for shopping days with cunzheng (:

Which reminds me. That boy really knows what to buy, and is a much more seasoned shopper than I am! But thats what makes the whole experience really fun, cos' he is capable of dragging me into every single shop (quite literally!) to browse around. Our (or rather, mine) favourite buys are from Cotton On. And I really like my loafers!

I could get used to shopping. Do I hear the ka-ching?

No.

Sigh.

I'm back to reality. Me, penniless, aimless, and absent-minded.

Seriously, I dont get what is it about the chicken pieces at Long John's that make them so addictive? I cant stop eating them, and I love it. Must be the batter. Yum, yum.

But McSpicy's the best. Make it a Mega McSpicy, oh so shiok! I wanna go grab a bite already, it's making me hungry (:

I cannot, cannot sew a god-damned pouch, for nuts.

Listening to BBMak, Ghost Of You And Me.




Thursday, January 1, 2009, 4:30 PM
2009

Fine, so I am afraid of the popping of the sparkling juice bottle corks. But then again I am indeed wary of loud noises. So I guess that wont change in 2009 (:

According to Wikipedia, a New Year's resolution is a commitment that an individual makes to a project or the reforming of a habit, often a lifestyle change that is generally interpreted as advantageous.

So, here we go.

My resolutions - 2008
#1. To be punctual. Okay, I totally broke that resolution a million times since the year 2008 began. Only perhaps applicable for school. Man, I was even early for school (:
#2. Be diligent.
#3. No procrastinations. Again, I broke my own resolutions!

My resolutions - 2009
#1. To better cherish and pursue opportunities in my life. Go productive!
#2. Have a more open mind.
#3. Learn to love the people around me better.

2008 has been a rather predictable year for me, both academically and emotionally. There were struggles, temptations, and plenty of lessons learnt. I wasnt in this alone too. I'm grateful, very grateful, to have faith from my classmates, family and friends. And guidance from the teachers. Without this year, I wouldnt have known how it's like to love someone too. Did I manage to make it through unscathed? Perhaps (: But all these will only be determined come March this year, on a piece of plain result slip.

I'm still afraid to carry high hopes, for fear that they will be dashed. This may already contradict my second resolution, but at the very core of me, I still prefer to take things one step at a time.

Just glad that I didnt lose my way. As Yvonne puts it, it will all be good in the end.

Come 2009, this world is mine to explore. I've looked forward to this all the time. But like a little speck of dust in the universe, I am easily muddled and blown away by everything else - distractions, temptations, reality. And right now, even though I am indeed already freed from the academics (for the time being), my time isnt productive at all. Booo.

I'll figure things out. I'll make up the rules of the game as I go.

Happy 2009 (:

Listening to The Click Five, Catch Your Wave.