Still, back to basics.
she says,

angie lim.

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Tuesday, September 30, 2008, 9:11 PM

There are times when I wish I could just bury my head into something warm and soft and hug it tightly for a long long time and not let go. Like a child tucked into bed.

I wonder if we're merely inflating a bubble full of hopes and wishes and dreams, but one that will eventually burst one day? What if we're not prepared when it happens, what if things arent what we expected them to be? Or perhaps one day I'll wake up and realise that its just an illusion.

A million possibilities, non of which I have an answer to.

I need to plan, plan, plan.

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Sunday, September 28, 2008, 9:25 PM

Started as a flicker meant to be a flame.
Skin has gotten thicker but it burns the same.
Still a baby in a cradle got to take my first fall.
Baby’s getting next to nowhere with a back against the wall.

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Saturday, September 27, 2008, 2:17 PM
I like.

I like my bed, soft and comfy.

I like my bolster, wrapped around my arms.

I like my books, to allow me to dream.

I like my music, they offer me company when there's none.

I like the air conditioner, keeps me cool.

I like my jacket, snuggling in it is fun.

I like writing, it gives me freedom.

I like thinking, cos its endless.

I like foods, sweets, treats for my tummy, they make me happy.

I like dogs, I can hug them.

I like the colour red, its bold.

I like sleeping in, cos I can dream endless dreams.

I like the nights, when its quiet.

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Wednesday, September 24, 2008, 10:53 PM
of thoughts and actions; which is first?

Mr Haniss used to ( okay and maybe still does) keep reminding us to consider the chicken and egg issue in economics context. Frankly speaking, I cant really appreciate it cos it irks me a little, getting all confused with what's first and what's not.

Yet it does apply, and it can make some sense. What has happened left me with a thought. Is action merely the incidental product of thoughts, or is thought merely the consequential product of actions?

I dont know how far we can go, or how long things will last. But its gonna be one step at a time. And I hope it'll be worth the wait.

Prelims results so far have been a little disappointing. Lets just say that I didnt perform up to my standards. Then again, there's no looking back. No.

Messed up thoughts, one darn bored life, and never-ending restlessness. The perfect ingredients of a sad sad life. Get over it, get over it!

Gonna sleep on it tonight.


Listening to Sara Bareilles, Bottle It Up.
Reading Haruki Murakami, After Dark.




Monday, September 22, 2008, 4:12 PM

Did he really just say that?

When I put two and two together, the words he was trying to say became clear. He's right; I was dumbfounded, speechless.

I really should just get back to my books and bury myself further into my notes lest I let my thoughts run wild.

On hindsight, I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. Oh no!


Listening to Jordin Sparks, One Step At A Time.
Reading Amy Tan's The Hundred Secret Senses.




Saturday, September 20, 2008, 9:41 PM
lesson no.2

Spent an afternoon at Esplanade with Amal; wasnt exactly productive but nonetheless I appreciated the day out. And I still miss the apple crumble at Chocz after all(: Mmmm.

I had the opportunity to read Amal's texts and lectures notes on craft of writing and social issues, and I must admit that it kind of appealed to me, but there's always this nagging voice at the back of my head that denies me of any sense of certainty. Duh, of course I wouldnt know if that's what I really want to study in future.

How can any 19 year old (for me it'll be 20) possibly nail it down for sure what she'll pursue after college graduation, or where she can go? I think its a hard process to go through. And so I admire those who have already ventured into their uni lives.

Which also comes back to the same advice that I get, and that is not to fret over this yet, focus on A levels first. Everything else can wait. Oh, and that I'd better treasure school while I can. You can bet that I'm listening hard. Cos' its barely 38 days left to the real deal.

My 24 hours, oh 24 hours.

While others are running on zero hours of sleep, I'm extremely lucky to have sufficient hours of mine. Lucky girl, lucky. And to think I wonder where my 24 hours daily go to, when much of them has been wasted away. I know, I'm such a loser. Just give me a hard shake on the shoulders the next time you see me, so I can wake up.

It isnt very far now. I can see it as clearly as day.

So many people want to look back one day in their lives and marvel at how far they've come. I want to be able to do that too. Perhaps it will be one full of bumpy roads and winding paths. Or it will be of the best days of my life. Who knows, who knows?


Random fact, most oak trees have spread because, the squirrels forgot where they'd buried their acorns in the grounds. Oh, what a hilarious visual image(:

Listening to Shayne Ward's Breathless.

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Friday, September 19, 2008, 9:27 PM
lesson no.1

Prelims were officially over yesterday -- sheer happyness. But then after that shortlived relief, it's back to worrying about the results.

Cunzheng's right, I really ought to chill out just abit while I can. Which I did, after spending an afternoon at the library. Not exactly fun or anything, but good enough for me to have some quiet time-out.

I made some self-discoveries. Its easy to say, be a good friend. Here's my lesson no. 1 this afternoon.

I realise that despite what I've always perceived and believed myself to be, I'vent been a good friend to many people I know, at all.

It has always been an easy mistake to let slip of my end of the rope of friendship with another. It isnt hard to recognise that -- how I've lost touch with so many of them; how they dont call me up anymore, not even to sms; how I miss out on gatherings; how its becoming more awkward to approach them when I want to.

Its sad. Sure it takes two to clap. But if I cant make any effort to, why should anyone bother about me? I let myself off with the excuses that I'vent got enough time, I've something else on and therefore busy, or just simply because I dont feel like doing anything. Before I can say "hello friend how are you" I've already left a gaping distance cutting across between me and them, like two worlds splitting apart, damaged.

Now I question myself, is it really that hard to be a good friend, Angie? And I think about how meaningful life used to be when I could really share it with friends. Not that my life isnt meaningful at the moment, but I realise that after all these while, even after 19years of my life, I've been a terrible friend to many.

I'm sorry.

I want to make things right. See, my level of self-awareness is present, its a matter of what I actually do with this self-awareness I have. Grant me some courage.


Listening to Simply Red, Stars.

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Friday, September 12, 2008, 3:13 PM

It was a traumatic experience at the NDC yesterday. Dr Tan claims that my mouth is damn small, so she had to force that stupid metal-filled-with-green-mint-mould into my mouth. It hurt okay! Now my lips have cuts and bruises cos of that incident. Pain ah, pain ah. And its an unsightly scene, so fugly and gross, with the corners of my lips torn and swollen. Like I've got sores or something. X-rays were fun though, its kind of cool to see the black and whites. But I still cant take a fancy to dentists. Not yet.

This morning I entered the exam venue with some sense of confidence, but that paper seriously left me uncertain and a little disoriented. Physics really isnt my cup of tea. Paper one! Plus next week..

I have found new joy in solving Sudoku and crossword puzzles. But I havent lost the joy of swimming too. One day, one day I'll go swimming again.

Its hard being alone here, now. Where are you?


Listening to Tested And True, Secondhand Serenade.

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Saturday, September 6, 2008, 11:03 PM

It's four AM, I'm waking up to your perfume
Don't get up, I'll get through on my own
I don't know if I'm home
Or if I lost the way into your room
I'm spiraling into my doom
I'm feeling half alive but I know one day
You and I will be free,
To live and die by our own rules,
Free..
Despite the fact that men are fools.
- Half Alive, Secondhand Serenade.

These past rainy days have kinda set the mood for an interminable sense of drudgery, and I cant help but feel like I'm still in that comfortable corner just sitting and watching helplessly as the world goes by. Ever so slowly. Like time has stopped dead in its tracks just for me, alone.

Like the bus rides to and from school. I'm sitting there, right there. I'm not moving, but outside my window every single scene I watch is like a movie that is playing on and on, like I've never existed. Ironically, I've been going through this same motion over and over again, every single day.

I'm telling myself that these feelings will never get the better of me, and I'm sure they wont.

Its just sometimes, things feel so stifling and stagnant, yet frenzied in reality, that I need to stop from holding my breath for too long. I want to feel like I'm able to give my all in the things that I do, in the way I could be in comfortable touch with my friends, in the way that I can welcome and embrace my life. Like I used to.

Its been crazy out there, and in my head too.

Now that my thoughts are cleared. I'm back to square one. Its just me, now.

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Monday, September 1, 2008, 9:49 PM


And its 7 days to Prelims, 57 days to you-know-what. I realise I've kinda lost touch with some topics already (already!) and somewhere in my brain I was struggling to rummage for the answers instead of going "oh yes i did this before! but how to do.." but but but! I failed miserably. SIGH. Never mind I shall work on it while I still can.

Why is it that when you're praying so hard for something to happen, it just doesnt. Worse still, all your fears and worries come true instead. That sucks.

They say that you control your own life, but I think that some things are just inevitable. When they do happen, you cant say no.

Best you can do is to not let the situation get out of hand. Or go haywire.

Every relationship is like a game of cards. Unfortunately, I havent been lucky at it.

It's about time I get some sleep and think things over. Tomorrow will be a better day!


P.S : Pun not intended(: