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she says,
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Saturday, June 28, 2008, 10:14 PM
Why is it so hard to be truthful, but so easy to lie?Something's wrong with me today. I dont know why. I dont think I want to know. I just want it to go away.
I want to pull myself away, yet I 'm afraid that if I go too far out, I may never find my way back.
Listening to Mouth Shut, by The Veronicas.
Friday, June 27, 2008, 8:55 PM
Maths was good today- another surprise, haha. I was literally smiling my way through the first few questions, until I got stumped somewhere in the middle of the paper. Haha. So its true that with practice, it can become perfect. Or almost perfect. But lets hope this surprise will also be as good(:
For some unknown reasons, I am having mixed emotions now. I feel excited and yet nervous about tomorrow's LTC meeting; I feel relieved about the exams thus far, yet anxious to know the results already; I feel inspired to get in touch with my friends, but I havent got a clue as to how; I feel tired physically, cos I havent been sleeping very well this week.
(:
I am constantly reminded of the fact that I am being loved, by the people all around me, near and far. And I appreciate them too! And I also know that I can do more for them, than what I am doing now. Sigh. So if you're reading this entry now, please do know that you're appreciated by me as a friend(: I may not know who you are though. It doesnt matter, does it?
Listening to Jimmy Gets High, by Daniel Powter.
For some unknown reasons, I am having mixed emotions now. I feel excited and yet nervous about tomorrow's LTC meeting; I feel relieved about the exams thus far, yet anxious to know the results already; I feel inspired to get in touch with my friends, but I havent got a clue as to how; I feel tired physically, cos I havent been sleeping very well this week.
(:
I am constantly reminded of the fact that I am being loved, by the people all around me, near and far. And I appreciate them too! And I also know that I can do more for them, than what I am doing now. Sigh. So if you're reading this entry now, please do know that you're appreciated by me as a friend(: I may not know who you are though. It doesnt matter, does it?
Listening to Jimmy Gets High, by Daniel Powter.
Thursday, June 26, 2008, 9:07 PM
Surprisingly, Physics was manageable today. As much as I may be unsure of my answers etc (as usual) I suppose I should be glad that I didnt find it hard, for the first time since I stepped into JC life, LOL. Pray and cross my fingers, to hope that it will turn out well(:Quite randomly, I had the urge to listen to the older songs by Westlife, Celine Dion and Air Supply. They can be really nice to sink into, and hum along with. Just like a good read, I dont think I'll ever get tired of these albums, as old as they can get! The hippier songs in this era are good, and funky, but less meaningful in some sense.
Math paper TWO tmr; statistics, do you people out there still remember?
The next big thing in my (JC) life, besides the exams, will be LTC 2008. As trivial as it may sound to you, it's a break off studies (for the time being) for me, and it's altogether a new window of learning experience too. Yep. I hope it turns out well for us all(:
4 papers to go. Go Angie. Awww I'm craving for a bar of dark chocolate. And tiramisu. LOL.
Listening to That's The Way It Is, by Celine Dion.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008, 4:34 PM
Being strong... Is tough. I think I survived because of what they told me. To just go for it.So its 3 papers down, and several more to go. I'm feeling good about it, but a part of me isnt confident of anything at all. Sometimes I just wish I could write a little faster, so I can at least finish writing all my answers down, LOL.
And then there are times when I wish a particular song wont get stuck in my head, playing on and on like a tape on rewind; its freaking annoying and I cant bloody think.
Last but not least, I wish I knew all the answers to those questions. Haha! I wish. Oh well.
Thus are woes of a student during the exams.
Its been pretty mechanic and routine, the way I've been living my life these years. A part of me is dying to break this cycle of motion just so I can try something different. Like travel, to places I never knew existed. Or to do something which I'vent done before. Or even to just take a day off to go out and play to my heart's content. Just so I can have a firsthand experience.
Yet a part of me is thinking, this is just nuts.
I already have a list of "things I want to do" after my exams. Its getting longer by the days. The only question is, with whom can I do all these things with? Sigh.
Some day, I want to reach to the other side of people and be with them, instead of being alone on my side of space. Cos sometimes it gets too lonely being by yourself. That feeling sucks.
Physics tomorrow; I ought to be revising.
Listening to Mariah Carey's Always Be My Baby.
Sunday, June 22, 2008, 11:54 AM
Wasnt in the best physical state to be at LTC facils training yesterday, but it was all worth it. I especially loved the dragonboating and kayaking; the waters were choppy yet the dynamics with the rest of the facils was simply great. I am looking forward to 3rd of July (:Now my main worry, concern and focus is on the upcoming papers this whole week. Cant help but feel a little insecure still, cos I honestly feel that I've not made much progress throughout the month-long revision. Its always the problem of not remembering the things that I've learnt well enough. Poor memory? I think so. Plus the physical strains of yesterday, I hope I can still pull through (:
Tomorrow, Math paper 1
Tues, Econs paper 2
Wed, Chem paper3
Thurs, Physics paper 2
Fri, Math paper 2
and
Next Mon, Econs paper1
Tues, Chem papers 1 and 2
Wed, Physics paper 1.
Wish me luck(: Here we go again.
Listening to Wow, by Kylie Minogue.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008, 7:49 PM
I'm down to my last week of my June holiday (what holiday, what holiday?!) revision, and I hate to admit it, but inside I am starting to panic already. There seems to be so much that I've yet to master, and so many careless mistakes thus far. Whoever tells me that they would prefer the studying days, perhaps I can trade places with you. Laughs. On second thought, maybe not. So I'd better just grit my teeth, continue and just shut up. Sighhh."Getting the course I want has been rather tough... I can only blame myself for not working hard enough then. You have another chance and I really want you to go all the way for the next 6months..." I will never forget this; it was sent to me when I wanted to just give up on revising altogether.
Anyway, Nanyang isnt such a bad home after all. At least its home to me. I just wish that there's more that I can give to this place. Cos there are times when I feel ashamed (I cant really explain why), and yet so eager to do Nanyang proud. Sigh.
The other day in school I met Mr Lee, and he simply told me that I still 'owe' him a teacher's day present. I know what it is, and I am keen to get it too. Just dont let me screw up my papers. Hoho.
LTC facils training this saturday. Time flies =x I dont feel like I've accomplished anything thus far. Oh dear. How could I?
Sigh.
Listening to Summertime, by New Kids On The Block.
Friday, June 13, 2008, 10:39 AM
Friday the 13th!Steamboated at Xuewei's place last night with Bingliang, Renkai, Shaojie, Mervis, Sebas, Jo'An and Xuewei. It was good (: The April recruits have POP-ed. Good for them.
I was telling Cunzheng that I've had my fill of outings and activities this week already - family chalet from Sunday to Wednesday, steamboat dinners, movie, BBQ - and its taking a toil on my revision plans thus far. My bio clock's pretty screwed up too; I slept at 2am, woke up promptly at 5am, and after some attempts to read my notes in bed, I fell back to sleep until 11am. Terrible isnt it? Haha. But! This week has been oh-so-good too.
So many things, so little time.
And according to Cunzheng, being able to enjoy a new day everyday is a miracle by itself too. This has been the most enlightening quote I've heard this week. Mmmm.
Listening to Have You Ever, by Brandy.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008, 10:51 AM
Today I am pissed. With myself. Dont ask why. Please.More often than not I hate myself cos I always set myself up with all the wrong reasons in the world, and find myself getting upset over nothing. Over nothing! Imagine that. Its really really stupid of me.
Listening to Emotion, by Destiny's Child. An apt song for all that I'm feeling right now.
I am impatient - this I wont deny, but I hate being in the grey area, speculating and wondering wild thoughts and at the same time not knowing what exactly is happening. My mind just goes on the over-run mode and it irks me to the max. Or maybe I am just too dense to know anything.
I really really hate it when I set myself up for disappointments. And no, I am not getting any better in time, as much as I'd like to be, and as far as the song is concerned. I'm better off being confined to my own emotions; what else I can expect from anyone else?
Shucks.
Monday, June 9, 2008, 8:43 PM
I spent the whole afternoon today in school, in the LEP classroom (with the 0719 girls), to be more precise, studying. I must admit that the whole atmosephere in there is very different, as compared to back when I had the company of the 29th. And room 3-47, and everything else.On hindsight, staying back one year makes a hell lot of difference. The things you do, the perspectives that you're subjected to, the people you meet, the environment you're in. Sometimes I want it to all come back the way it was supposed to be, but I also know its impossible. Now good times can only be reminiscent, and the world just keeps spinning forth.
I wonder what gave me the courage to come thus far? Now I shudder and wonder where I can go from here. I mean, besides preparing for the end of year exams. There are indeed times when I question myself, and today I feel like I need to re-ignite some motivation within me before I move on. The thing is, I cant seem to actually confide in anyone. I dont know who I can trust.
Go Angie!
Listening to American Boy, by Estelle/ Kanye West.
Friday, June 6, 2008, 8:19 PM
8 hours of organic chemistry today was enough to make me surrender my white flag *waves. But I still think it was good effort on the Chem dept in organising this Organic Chem Cafe today, cos it's drilled almost everything I need to know for organic chemistry. No regrets in waking up early for this!Cheng Hong's going to NTU's psychology! I'm happy for her, and also happy cos I can finally seek better insights and advice from her once she starts uni. In case I havent quite told alot of people yet, I think I should like to pursue psychology or sociology in future. Yep. Nothing's certain yet, of course, but I should like to set my sights on something for now. Who knows, if the results are really good, I will be able to seek beyond that!
Right now, my mind's pretty much set on a few things: my studies, and my attitude towards everything... Which is practically my entire life. Hah. Please dont let me screw up.
Listening to Hey There Delilah, Class 95.
Monday, June 2, 2008, 7:51 PM
Listening to Drops Of Jupiter, by Train.
The first week of my June hols has passed, and so has the first week of studying. Time seems to fly, but I'm still crawling in its wake. Argh. The progress is so slow. I have things and plans and revisions schdeules all lined up, but at this rate I'm going, they are never going to be fulfilled.
And I've packed my table once again; its amazing how I can accumulate T H I S much papers in 3 months. Terrible. Cant wait to get rid of them after the exams, when everything is over.
I like the photo above; I think its beautiful.
Sometimes I really hate myself this way; trying to be happy when I'm not.