Still, back to basics.
she says,

angie lim.

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Wednesday, October 31, 2007, 3:48 PM

speaking to ms chiew yesterday was like having found a new release altogether; i admire her for being able to put things into perspective, and for laying down options for me when things get so confusing. however, as much as she can give me the best advice to take, it is ultimately up to me to get things right, for its me leading my life and not anyone else.

not you, not him, not her
but me.




"Just So You Know"

I shouldn't love you but I want to
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away

I shouldn't love you but I want to
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

[Chorus:]
Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around, I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all
Before I go
Just so you know

It's getting hard to be around you
There's so much I can't say
Do you want me to hide the feelings
And look the other way

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop




Tuesday, October 30, 2007, 9:59 PM

its funny when you find yourself
looking from the outside
i'm standing here
but all i want
is to be over there

why did i let myself believe
miracles could happen?




just let me crash and burn. i need a breather. i need hope.




3:09 PM

class 95's been playing alot of the oldies which i wont deny that i like. makes me feel so high when i sing.

now that the 'A' levels are happening full-fledged, i doubt i should bother any of them muggers who are busy with the papers. sigh. now the second bout of withdrawals is back, as i lose a common connection from the rest of them.

like lester, i want to inspire, but i have no support or encouragement. this almost feels like i'm fading into the background, until there's nothing left.

what should i say? what should i do? where do i move on from now? there's so many uncertainties i dont know where to start moving.

do you know what it feels like, fighting to keep up the happy smiles, but with every smile i give is a false hope i hide within me? do you know what it feels like, to be tired of letting people down all the time? do you know how hard is it for action to take the place of words?



courage my dear, courage.




Sunday, October 28, 2007, 11:00 PM

"the past 3 days was an adventure."
thanks to yvonne lim (and family) and mak xue wei.


i never knew how the TIME magazines can be interesting. xue wei just dug out a box full of these magazines; almost like digging out a treasure box. i'm off to read them, see you.




Friday, October 26, 2007, 6:41 PM

dear 29th,
if you're still clueless about what's been happening to gmail, then its about time you went on there to check things out. yayness, there's a new scandal to gossip about now!

dear everyone else,
dont worry i'm fine i'm not insane and i'm certainly very much alive and kicking. the thing is, i'm bored. now i finally understand how lester felt. its really boring and draggy when you havent got much to look forward to everyday, unlike what the other thousands of 'A' level muggers on this island can look forward to - the end of their exams. sigh. mind you, thats a pretty heavy sigh for an 18 year old.
in a few years to come, i wonder, whats in store for me?




Thursday, October 25, 2007, 8:35 PM

today i read that says everyone views life through different lenses; i wasnt surprised that all these while i've been looking through the 'ME' lens. put simply, " (i) evaluate things in terms of what impact something will have on (me). " in fact, i'm not going to deny that indeed, everything about my life is about me. haha. why do i sound so selfish? shrugs. i love self-indulgence (: it can get pretty bad though, like how i can become snobbish and simply cast reality aside. such extremities. but the truth is this, and my blog can hold testament to that!

Life Law Six: There Is No Reality, Only Perception.
indeed, its so true.

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Tuesday, October 23, 2007, 10:15 PM

the journey home never seemed so long before, until today. not just because i took a longer route home (bus 136 regulars should know better) ; but now that i'm cutting some slack from schoolwork, i have more time to spare on doing more daydreaming, and to think. i dont think that there's ever going to be a day in my life when i stop any of my thoughts from working in its gears!

“The Earth is large, large enough that you think you can hide from anything. From Fate, from God. If only you found a place far enough away. So you run. To the edge of the Earth, where all is safe again, quiet and warm. The solace of salt air, the peace of danger left behind, the luxury of grief.
And maybe, for a moment, you believe you have escaped.”

maybe, maybe all this times i've been daydreaming, i've been foolishly wanting to find an escape route out... out of what?
reality, perhaps.
foolish angie, you'd say. i'll take that, but isnt this escape something everybody else once yearned for in his or her life? surely at least once?

rahh. i'll retreat to the revising my notes before i continue this anymore. foolish angie, foolish me.




Monday, October 22, 2007, 9:40 PM

"The Aries is an individual who is a thinker, who always resolves to search for the silver lining amidst the shades of reality." i secretly believe in that statement; for who knows me better than myself? and perhaps thats why i'm always getting myself into unwanted trouble with matters of the heart and issues that deal with my emotions.

and i secretly believe that perhaps its time i looked forward in life; but trust me, i know that i'll have a difficult time despite my resolve to keep the negative thoughts at bay. that for all my heart even though i want to commit myself to having more faith and confidence in myself, i simply cannot bring myself to possess these traits.

xuewei, i did the same passage as you just moments ago, and you're right. what happens when my "right" overlaps with your "wrong"?

(what i'm typing below is purely my point of view, and really, i mean no offence.)

putting it into my perspective (once again, as always), what i feel is right for me to feel whatever emotions i'm feeling right now, and to express it out, may cause you demerit brownie points to your emotions, my readers. and perhaps thats whats wrong in your point of view. sigh. no offence to you, xues, or to anyone reading this.

Man is hard to please. but i'm still gonna do things my own way. as much as i hate to admit it, i simply have too much negative thought in me, so the advice i got was to keep my inner resolve. and thats achieving my goals for 2008.

thats alot of thoughts i've poured out. literally.




Saturday, October 20, 2007, 4:59 PM

i cant fathom why, but i cant help feeling like i'm going to lose everything before i can really bid them a proper goodbye. its not like i dont know that eventually people and things will move away as they carry on with their own lives; its more like i cannot bring myself to accept and let go.




Friday, October 19, 2007, 10:30 PM

Life Law Seven: Life is managed; it is not cured.

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Wednesday, October 17, 2007, 9:02 PM

my council memories, hidden in the gmail inbox; of many heartwarming gmails, of many encouragements we shared during the difficult times.

just go ahead and type in "restructure" in the search-my-mail engine; read the gmails and see if you feel the same way as i'm feeling right now. you kids were worried ill then, it almost seemed like restructure was the end of the world. and so we whined, we talked it out.

to quote some: " and im still super clueless abt e whole thing.
College image n bonding =CIBCO? sicko?
Internal communication= ICCO? icko (as zw said)
External communication= ECCO? echo?
-ignores welco. "

" With all the other stuff going on, adding this extra 'burden' (as in you know, we worry what comm we'll be in and stuff) isn't really good for our mental health. "

but ultimately we ended up being " really excited about what we gonna do in future. " and learnt to " yeah, seize the day. "

well, its been a rollercoaster ride for us all i guess. but we got through it, and while i know we have come so far, we have got so far to go.

29th, fight on and live the 29th dream.

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Tuesday, October 16, 2007, 9:06 PM

change happens. they keep moving the cheese.

she asked, "what would you do if you werent afraid?"
my reply was, "i would muster all the courage i have and just go for it."
then she probed me further, "go for what?"
"for whatever it takes to make me less afraid, and feel better."

will i?

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Monday, October 15, 2007, 10:38 PM

i sneaked out to get some fresh air alone today. i went down to the airport in fact, and got drenched on the way there. but who cares, i just needed some quiet. happened to meet that crazy-as-ever long-time-no-see campmate, andrea, who was working at a parfum shop there for the hols (:
so i spent an afternoon there, watching people, watching families, watching the planes take flight. there, a stranger who sat next to me offered me some sweets; she's from texas, and had come to singapore on a week-long vacation. its really random; i ended up making friends with her ( she's sarah jane leigh by the way ). haha.
it isnt often that i get to go exploring by myself; almost like leaving everything behind in search of a new adventure. i like that.

if you ever need some new motivation, try reading 'who moved my cheese?'. i did that today. i learnt that after so long, i am still in denial of reality. now i know, that after the times spent with the regulars, after having so much fun studying and shopping with them, i'll ultimately be moving on in a totally different direction from the rest. so despite my obstinate pleas to carry on with "normality", my cheese will still be moved, and i'll have to search for it. it all boils down to changes, and how best to acknowledge them.
i'll learn to let it go eventually; its a matter of how.

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Sunday, October 14, 2007, 12:41 AM

and i realise that i have indeed, two, very very weird friends.
they can get very excited over the littlest things, so much so they laugh the silent laughter with the silent tears ( almost ) falling from their contorted faces.
ok i'm exaggerating. but can you imagine them already? laugh and laugh non-stop. they both sport the same short hairdo, converse in the same frequency, and share the similiar lingo. many a times i wonder, how on earth did i manage to 'click' with them two?
perhaps one day i will find an answer. but for now, i guess its back to living my everyday life, marvelling at them, and to appreciate them for who they are. one thing i know for sure, that they'll always be known as my weird friends. weird, but nonetheless lovable. so there!




Friday, October 12, 2007, 9:07 PM

came down to college for the open house; mass dancing was TIRING. hah. but nonetheless, FUN!

then i came home to discover that a lizard was hiding behind my files at my desk. yucks. it almost flew out at me when i pulled my file out; i was frozen to the ground and i stared at it for a long long time until i decided to run. yucks!

so, i've decided to re-pack my desk. its war!




Thursday, October 11, 2007, 8:43 PM

i've been listening to the same few songs recently. reflections, reflections. the sound of silence is a tranquility, a luxury.

its personal, myself and i
we got some straightening out to do
and i'm gonna miss you
like a child misses her blanket
but i've got to move on with my life
its hard to be
i'm bigger now
and big girls dont cry.




Wednesday, October 10, 2007, 8:45 PM

graduation day for the J2s today; such mixed emotions in me. i feel happiness, for the graduating mates whom i know; i feel gratitude, for the tutors' unceasing support; i feel fear, at knowing that life next year will never be the same again; i feel a sudden stress, at the hopes of friends and teachers to do well next year.

i want to share the joy and excitement of everyone; yet i am feeling lousy about it cos what they're experiencing right now only comes for me 365 odd days later. gahh.

i'll continue to seek normality in my life. i aint giving up, no.




Tuesday, October 9, 2007, 7:59 PM

everyday is a new day; everyday i get to learn. to feel, and to explore; to seek, and to get into the inner me, for new emotions and experiences. it really sets me thinking about how my life next year will be like, when this year has passed. in all honesty, its pretty scary. oh well.

i just cant imagine.

after tomorrow, after everyone else has graduated from college, its a brand new year ahead of me all over again. what a mixed feeling of fears and hopes.

give me strength. give me hope. to start all over again.




Monday, October 8, 2007, 9:57 PM

today yvonneLIM psycho-ed xues mervis renkai and myself to join facebook, the new phenomenon of cyberspace with all its features and interactive applications. i adopted a radish for a friend! its pink, small, and very cai-tou (: plus the quirky aquarium and garden and what-nots, i guess its a very fun cyberspace to be in if you're feeling bored. yeap (:

i feel so childish all over again. giggles.




Saturday, October 6, 2007, 4:10 PM

me, you? impossible, i argued. but i still cannot deny that i do feel something; though i dont dare to admit it. they say, when a girl is in love, she denies it.

such fleeting emotions; i cant stop them.

feels like a part of me has gone on vacation, casting aside a mere skeleton of me to roam around. i'll find myself back. meanwhile, its very irritaing cos i cant get you out of my head.




Friday, October 5, 2007, 6:16 PM

dont ask me what i'm doing here at this time when i'm supposed to help out in the kitchen with the rest. i just feel the urge to blog about something, anything, to pour out all my stuffed-up emotions. which is almost like going through a verbal vomit, but at least i'll feel better when its out of my mind.

at this point in time, i feel like i've something to say to you all out there, but i just dont know what. all i can say is, please stay strong, for i'm praying very hard for everything to turn out good for you, all of you.




Thursday, October 4, 2007, 9:31 PM

days have passed, it's drawing all so near. i cant help but feel the tension rising; yet something in me reminds me otherwise, of a choice i took, of a decision i made. it feels like rebirth, yet like the death of something which i cannot stop.

i feel stuck in the middle. a fish out of waters, a lone soul in the crowds. i'll need some getting-used-to. i'm dreading those days, for i'll miss the past.


perhaps, perhaps.. i didnt realise your presence till now. then everything washed upon me, like a sudden realisation. but i'm not sure, i'm uncertain, cos i dont want to be hurt again.




Monday, October 1, 2007, 12:54 PM

after all thats been done, i'm tired. i still want some normality in life.